First comes love, then comes marriage

You meet your match, you go on many dates, you say “I love you,” you find yourself engaged, and next thing you know you’re married! Sound about right? Yay for marriage!

Marriage is amazing. Honestly, marriage is my favorite aspect of my life; I love loving Brian. But while marriage is amazing, it is so easy to not put it first in your life (after our Lord of course!). Why does this happen? I’d like to think when two individuals get married, they, in their heart and minds, plan on putting their marriage first and living “happily ever after.” While this is how marriage is suppose to be thought of, it isn’t realistic without constant commitment to making your marriage the biggest priority in your life.

Moments of Grace Photography

So again, why do you find yourself and/or others in martial “stand still” (as I like to call it)? Because life gets in the way. Because the individual let’s life get in the way. What can possibly come before your spouse?

desire for sex
social media
lack of communication
selfish desires
your hobbies

I’d like to think I am being generous with that list . . . it could be so much longer. Too often we see marriages fail because a spouse spends way too much time working overtime and/or having the “I have to work” excuse. Too often we see the stress of money being the cause of a failed marriage. Too often we hear about a spouse fulfilling their sexual desires through porn, an emotional affair, or physical affair. Too often couples put their children first in well, every aspect of their lives. Too often the distraction of iPhones, Netflix, Facebook, and television become a daily priority to an individual. Too often the lack of communication leads to a lack of trust, feeling loved, and lack of  overall love. Too often the words and time exchanged with extended family or friends can come before the words and time exchanged with your spouse. Too often the selfish desires of ones heart come before the desires of a spouses heart. And too often ones hobbies soon consume more time than they give their spouse.

Even with all the distractions a marriage can face, I don’t think the distractions are easily noticed by the one letting them come before their marriage. They are noticed first by the spouse they are affecting. So how does one ensure they do not find themselves in a situation where their marriage isn’t being noticed before other life “distractions?”

make your marriage YOUR priority

  1. schedule weekly and/or every other week date nights
  2. do not use the work excuse. instead, use the “spouse excuse” with work – say NO to extra hours, meetings, etc.
  3. focus your heart around the value of your spouse verses the value of money
  4. love your children together, not separately. make sure your children know their mother/father comes first to you (I know this is a HARD one, but I promise it’s huge one)
  5. have dinner at the dinner table with no social media distractions
  6. listen . . . listen . . . listen to what your spouse has to say no matter what it is about
  7. have a night away from the phone or tv and instead have a evening of talking, cuddling, and just spending one-on-one time together
  8. communication is key – express your heart, feelings, and desires on a daily basis
  9. defend your spouse before defending a friend or family member
  10. involve your spouse in your hobbies – invite them to participate and/or participate in theirs even if it’s not a hobby you love

These are just a few ways to ensure you continue to put your marriage first, but I hope they give you an idea of ways that may work for you! How do Brian and I make our marriage a priority?

  1. We say “I love you” more than any other sentence spoken.
  2. We go on at least one date every two weeks, even if it’s just getting take out!
  3. We say NO to work when we originally planned on a day/evening together.
  4. We spend more dinners at the dinner table than we do in front of Netflix.
  5. We plan on answering the question, “who do you love more, me or daddy/mommy?” by our children with “Brian/Kylie.”
  6. We do our best to stick to a monthly budget and do our finances together.
  7. Consistently making the effort to communicate, communicate, communicate and share our hearts even if it’s simply about a hard day at work.
  8. We make “loving one another” happen as regular as possible . . . even if I am not “not feeling it.” TMI yes 😉
  9. We defend one another. We do not talk poorly of one another to our family and friends.
  10. We share our hobbies. I will watch Brian play disc golf or brew beer and he will take me shopping or proofread my blogposts.

Find the ways that work for you and your spouse! Sit down, make a list together of what you rock at as a couple and a list of ways you can make your marriage even stronger! I encourage you to post that list on your fridge, your bathroom mirror, or anywhere you both will read it on a daily basis! I promise, it will make all the difference :).

Moments of Grace Photography

I would love hear ways you and your significant other make your relationship your priority! Let me know in the comments below!

love always, kylie

4 thoughts on “First comes love, then comes marriage

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